The Journey Begins Now!!

And the MADNESS begins again!! Except this time we are all doing this together. Today was my lucky day. I found a bunch of healthy food on clearance at Walmart. I filled up my cart and it was still less than $100. Who says getting healthy can be expensive? #HealthyFamily #HealthierMe#TheJourneyBeginsNow 

Letter to GOD

Dear God,

Thank you for always being there when I needed you
Thank you for listening to my prayers
When all seemed lost you gave me hope
Even through my dark days you gave me light
When I was to weak to seek change you gave me strength
When I saw myself as unworthy, You taught me that I am worthy of love and respect

I’m in a much happier place now even though I still have my days when I look at...

the past
But just knowing that you will always be there to guide me in my path comforts me.
I’m no longer that naïve girl who was afraid of being alone
Your love is all I need to get me through my days.
Everyday is a struggle but I become stronger and wiser

I watch the years go by so fast as my children grow up.
I don’t want them to grow up just yet.
I wish I could seize the moments and just forget.
There’s no doubt that my children are the most amazing gift you have ever given me.
They fill my life with love and strength.

I have something to live for what more can I ask.
Everyday is a challenge, everyday is a task
But I try to handle it with grace as best as I can
I do have my days though as I am not perfect
It’s easy to give all of myself to their special needs and lose myself in the process
But it’s OK I’m up for the challenge, I’m willing to accept my purpose.

I’ll see you when my journey is over
But not yet I have so much to live for and so much to do.
I won’t let you down.

-Vane D. Lopez

GUESS WHO'S BACK!! BACK AGAIN!!!

It's been a long time since I've been online let alone blogging. My life is just overdrive busy with being a single mom, fulltime-student, worker etc.. and my special needs children. My children always come first before anything and the great thing about writing is you can always come back to it either when you have some time to think or you just have a lot on your mind that you need to express.

Fortunately, I have alot on my mind and I am in great need to express myself yet my time is very limited and I'm going tthrough this on sonic speed so please escuse my grammer as I don't have time to edit that much.

Anyways, something that has been bothering me lately has been this political season surrounding my community, which I'm sure has been going on everywhere throughout the country. Though where I'm from Politics is involved in everything especially in schools. I don't know if this is necessarily a good thing or a bad thing but I do know this, where there is greed and corruption there is evil.

What's funny is that these people involved in school politics claim they want to help our community and make a difference in our schools yet they haven't done anything for our children so far.

If you really want to help our community stop with the lies, end the corruption, and end the greed
involved in politics and education, because as long as these things continue to be a part of our school, politics, law etc..the system will always be flawed.

My words to them are as follows:

The first thing you need to do is start with your own children. You can't claim that you will help our children
and community when you do nothing for your own but teach them greed. Talk is cheap, don't just say you will make a difference to get people to vote for you, actually do something before you claim you know what's best. I don't believe in paid advertisements or billboards, they're as fake as the person who paid for it.

I can't say that my family is perfect but when there is an issue I take action the best way I can, when possible. I start with my children first because even if I don't get to make a difference in this world I know that my children eventually will carry on the legacy.

I'm not perfect and neither are my children, I'm human and I make mistakes yet I have learned so much about life. I'm not done learning, I still have a long way to go before I become wiser.

We have struggled so much yet that is what makes us stronger not only as a family unit but as individuals. It is in the struggles that a person can actually learn, teach, and help others.


P.S.  Whoever says "Life's a piece of cake" must be joking. Life is a whole cake that might be missing some elements or ingredients but so what, eat it all up, digest it and make the most of what you do have or better yet learn how to make a better tasting cake each time until you get it right, then teach the children the same ingredients so they can make their own cake. Don't worry if their cake turns out better than yours, it's all part of the plan. ;)

-Vane D. Lopez

My Father

He is a man of strength and wisdom. Although he has lived many years, he stands strong like a vulture. His old age does not reflect his inner youth. It started with a dream within himself and sacrifice for his family. He does not regret what he did in search of freedom and survival for he now has not only one dream but many dreams for his family. His heart is made of gold yet it is priceless. Always willing to work hard with his hands like they taught him in his hometown of Nuevo Leon, Mexico. He is proud of his culture and he makes sure to teach his grandchildren and children of his traditions but he is more proud of what it took to become a Mexican-American. He is an artist and singer who remained undiscovered for his art represents wisdom, courage, and survival. His heartfelt stories are impacting and circulating. His voice represents hope and life. He sings to his family and his grandchildren. He sings to nature while he teaches his autistic grandaughter how to draw and paint. He sings to his granddaughter while she falls asleep. He sings to God with his guitar everyday. He is an angel to everyone who has ever known him. He is a father, a grandfather, a brother, a husband, a friend. He is my father, Mi Padre, mi heroe, he is my strength and he is irreplaceable. 

Just When I Think I Am Done

You know that problem that just never seems to go away no matter how much you try to make it right or just forget about it?

That person who continuously spreads lies about you just to hurt you because you finally decided to move on with your life and not take any more crap from them but they still find a way to hurt you. 

The feelings of emptiness and helplessness that just never leaves you alone no matter how happy you try to be. And just when you think you are finally done it strikes you again and your back to where you started. In other words you regressed to the past, not physically but in spirit and mentally.

You want to move on but that thing or person keeps dragging you back into despair or in other words their level. Yes, I've been there too and possibly still am. The truth is the problem doesn't seem to go away no matter how much you try but it's how you deal with it that helps you move on at least in your mind.

"I'm proud of my heart. It's been played, Stabbed, Cheated, Burned and broken, but somehow Still works."

First of all you must face your problem or fear:

If it's a certain person making your life hell, then be courteous to them even if you can't stand them. Kindness kills all evil and it's the best revenge. Trust me nothing hurts your enemy more than seeing you happy. Showing them that what they are doing doesn't hurt you anymore and you won't put up with it, but that you forgive them anyway, is key to getting rid of some feelings of helplessness.

If it's a problem or fear then face it and if you can't fix it then just accept it and move on to what you can fix which is yourself. Work on things you can change about yourself that can prevent or create future problems or at least how you react to them. We can't always control what happens to us but we can control how we deal with problems and how we manage them.

Find Comfort in things that make you Happy

It might be hard to find time for yourself but it is key in being emotionally healthy. My happiness contributors = God, family, songwriting, poetry, music, school…, etc. There will be times though that I need a break from school and even family due to my busy schedule s that's where poetry and songwriting comes into the picture. 

I don't always have time for people because I put my family first but I have to find time for poetry or songwriting once in a while because its part of who I am. If you stop being yourself then who are you? Now I can say that I don't always publish my poetry or songs online. Most of my work is for my own personal gratification or humorous delectation (Yes I like laughing at myself through music&poetry..lol). I don't always feel that people will understand my words and they might judge me but when I create them they live forever in  my paper. 

If coffee is you're thing, then by all means take a coffee break once in a while. If your life schedule is overbooked, then try to reduce the things that can wait or are not that important. Taking some time for yourself is how you discover who you are as a person so that you can share your true inner beauty with others. If you don't find time to make yourself happy, then you will be a very stressed and angry person and that will only make others around you unhappy too. (lol)

Surround yourself with positive people or Family

It's always good to surround yourself with people who know you well and know your story since they will understand more than anything what you've been through. Other people will just assume they know you but they don't. Nevertheless be open to welcome new people in your life that want to be a part of your life. 

Keep your circle small as even some friends or family members pretend to care about you when they are secretly planning on stabbing you in the back. Nevertheless don't assume everyone is out to get you, just know how to tell the difference between people who really have your best interest at heart or who are only interested in breaking your heart.

People who are constantly criticizing what you do might not have your best interest at heart. A true friend listens and offers advice or constructive criticism but doesn't judge you maliciously. Surrounding yourself with people who seem to genuinely care about you and make you feel good is key in overcoming certain problems or issues but don't confuse constructive criticism with malicious criticism. 

Most people do have your best interest at heart and might not have the best words of comfort but it doesn't mean they don't care about you. They might not even know that their words hurt you, just let them know how you feel and talk about it before it turns into another problem in your life that can be avoided.

Use your feelings of emptiness/despair towards your talent or Hobby

Find out what your good at or if you already have a hobby or passion, use your feelings to create something amazing with it. It doesn't have to be to showcase it to anyone or to become well known but it will give you a sense of pride and joy knowing you created something beautiful out of your despair. 

When you're going through something unpleasant and you use it towards something that is your passion, it can actually produce some amazing internal feelings. I know that whenever I'm going through something I pick up my pen and start songwriting or write a poem that I immediately get a rush throughout my whole body. I know it's weird but it's the way that I deal with issues in my life and I believe it's the most healthy natural way to prevent depression but that's just my opinion. 

So whatever it is your good at or you love to do, use your anger, frustration, passion or whatever and release it into your talent and create something amazing. If you're an artist then your painting will be 1000 times more amazing if you PUT YOUR HEART into it.

Keep Moving: Don't Give Up

No matter what happens in your life, remember to never give up and keep looking forward. The more we focus on the past, the more we get dragged by it making it harder to move on. Like I said before the problem and that person might not ever go away but it's how we deal with it that makes a difference in how our emotional state will be. I can't say I have mastered this just yet because I still deal with these issues but I am a different person now than I was before. 


I have been through so much in my life and I have felt like giving up so many times but I also managed to overcome those fears by facing them and saying "no more." It's not easy to move on and demand respect. The old me would put up with being hurt for fear of change, but the new me is stronger because of what I've been through. I feel as though I'm not fully back to myself, but I am a wiser person who has evolved into who I was meant to be all along. I don't regret what I've been through as it was a test in my life that I have passed never to be repeated. 

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” ― Mother Teresa

Random Thought: Why I Hate Phones That Are Smarter Than Me

I don't like it when a phone is smarter than me. It makes me feel jealous. I like to be in control of my phone not have my phone tell me what to do.

Don't get me wrong, I used to own a smart phone and I loved it (that's the problem). I depended to much on it for everything and if I didn't have it I would go crazy and turn into a psychopath investigator being suspicious of everything and everyone.

Everywhere I went I had to use my phone and it was touchscreen so if I would put it in my pocket it would start dialing random people.

Anyways, here are just a few reasons I dislike Smart Phones:

I don't want people to laugh at me

My phone didn't have spell check but I've heard most new smart phones such as Blackberries have this and I've heard it's a pain in the a**. At least that's what I've seen from some FB statuses.

We got people calling themselves "gay" when they meant "wey" (dude) and "kiss" instead of "diss" and other words that are too rated for me to mention them here. Apparently these new smart phones are not Street Smart lol!

This type of words can make you the laughing stock and can really damage your online as well as offline image. People will look at you differently if you know what I mean.


Smart Phone APPS

Another reason I hate smart phones is because of the apps. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not putting down people who like to play games on their phones or like certain apps. My problem is that certain other types of apps such as spy ware or malware can be installed into your phone without your knowledge.

 One particular spy ware that seems to be popular amongst smart phones is Mspy. This type of software is advertised as helping people catch their cheating spouses or businesses to spy on their employees if they are using the companies property such as company cell phones, computers, etc.

While it seems harmless to most, it can get out of control and most of these apps are being used unethically. Too much power in the wrong hands or SMART phones can get crazy or should I say Genious crazy.

THEY DIE

Theses smart phones are so smart that eventually they get tired and their batteries need recharging just like people except we don't always die on the spot. These phones are more unpredictable than a human's life and they require so much energy. 

When they don't have enough they die and it could leave you at anytime when you most need it. You could be having a special conversation with someone or an important phone conference that gets cut off all because your phone needs to be charged.

YOU LOSE BRAIN CELLS

I mean here you are depending on your phone for everything. You are using GPS to get to places and you are searching everything you need so your brain stops functioning like it should be. 

Don't get me wrong even computers do this to us sometimes but smart phones are so portable that people seem to carry it anywhere so they become dependable on it even for simple reasoning skills that they forget how to think for themselves. 

There are many more reasons why I hate smart phones but it would take a book for me to express my opinions (it's a possibility lol). I always get crap about not replying to phone texts and I have to apologize for my phone not being as fast or smart. 

It takes forever for me to type a text on my prepaid numbers only phone but since practically everyone owns a smart phone, not everyone understands me. I know I'm probably missing out on all the game apps mania fun but it's OK as long as I don't lose myself.

They think I'm just ignoring them, but I'm not. People can judge me all they want about me not owning a smart phone but I won't apologize for not wanting to own one. That's just my decision and believe me I am much happier now that I don't own one. 

Note: Not everyone who owns a smart phone depends on it as much and I'm not saying that these phones are for people who are not smart. It's just a concern I have that large corporations are making billions from these phones and humanity is paying a much higher price than just money, such as their freedom and their true selves but that's just my opinion. 

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here is solely of myself and I do not represent or endorse the accuracy or reliability of the above OPINIONS, neither would I be responsible for any consequential damages arising directly or indirectly from the actions resulting from such opinions. Reader is asked to do their own due diligence or research before taking any action! For the Smart Phone companies: I am not responsible for individuals or companies who stop purchasing smart phones or vice versa. As I mentioned before, I am only expressing my opinion. (I just had 2 put that here4legal purposes..lol)

The Vane D Dayz: y6hjnjmnn b

I Just thought I'd share this with the world. One day I was working on my blog and I stayed logged in and Aliyah started using the computer. Aliyah typed it! hehe. At least she's learning how to type now. Maybe there is a meaning to her mad typing. It's probably a different language but I think she was trying to tell me something. ;)

Click on the link below to read Aliyah's Blog post. Whether you can understand it or not, you gotta admit it's BEAUTIFUL!!

The Vane D Dayz: y6hjnjmnn b

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Blind Response

As the darkness intensifies so do my senses and self-awareness. The dryer is tumbling the children's clothes and the echoes of laughing children is still present. 

The heater roaring away trying to keep my home warm yet fails to keep my heart warm and content. My heartbeat is stomping away from my chest. 

The children are off to school so the home is missing something. My stomach roars begging me to feed it. The cell phone is practically screaming for me to pick it up and even though I can't see it with my eyes, I quickly find it as my ears guide my every move. 

Surprisingly I am able to walk around my home as if my eyes were wide open. Though physically all I see is dark, I can see and feel everything around me.

 As I pass through the hallway, I can visualize all the art work of my precious children. My daughter's first time writing her name in the wall is still present. The cracks on the wall when the children played baseball inside the home doesn't upset me anymore and comforts me. 

My eyes see darkness yet my heart sees light. Life embraces this home. Memories of young children give this home life even when they are not present. Life makes this house a home and that gives my heart comfort and peacefulness.

“The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas” by Ursula Le Guin

In “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas” by Ursula Le Guin the author describes a fantasy world in which everything seems perfect and happiness is prosperous in the city of Omelas. The author expresses that Omelas is not a dream city. It is real and it does exist and people are abundantly happy there. The story explains that the only resolution to happiness such as a place like Omela is to turn your back on pain and unhappiness but being happy also has a dark side since it sometimes requires selfishness. In the story the author mentions a child that was not seen as perfect by the people at Omelas so they had the child locked up away from the society of Omelas and the condition for being happy in Omela is to keep the child there away from everyone and the outside world since he represents something that is unknown and not perfect to the people there. It seems as though the people in Omelas do not believe in change or do not accept the unknown because they feel it will shatter their happiness and destroy the city and the people there so why should they even try.


It seems there is no resolution in either “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas” by Ursula LE Guin or in “Hills Like White Elephant” by Ernest Hemingway. Both stories leave the reader in suspense and allow the reader to come up with somewhat of their own conclusion regarding the plot, outcome, and significance of the story although “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas” seems to be more developed than “Hills Like White Elephants”. The difference between most popular stories and this one is that most stories the plot is more developed and the outcome and the conclusion are more direct and less confusing and in “The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas” by Ursula Le Guin, the plot is mainly describing the city of Omelas and how happy people were there but it never clearly explains why most people are there and why some people leave and never come back.


Personally, I don’t know if I would walk away from Omela or just try to influence their way of thinking by speaking my mind. Even though the city of Omelas seems like a dream city that represents happiness to most people, it would not represent happiness to me because to me, happiness comes from having freewill and making a difference in life to be remembered and helping people in need no matter if the rest of society finds it acceptable or not. Omelas represented what most might think represents happiness but happiness comes from within, and what makes one person happy might not make another person happy. Happiness to me represents having experiences whether painful or not and the challenges we face in getting through obstacles in life and moving forward. 


I believe the people in the story saw the child that was locked up and walked away from Omelas because they saw that the price of happiness was to be selfish and destroy anything that represented a challenge or imperfection. They might of felt that they, as well, were being deprived of freedom as they were being taught by the city what represented happiness and they felt disgusted with what was done to the child who was being punished simply for being different than what was considered to be normal and what was considered to be a representation of happiness. 


Omelas has some significance in this world today because some people still prefer to turn their back on the truth and refuse to accept change or anything that is different than what is considered normal. Society has taught us what behaviors are acceptable and what is unacceptable. We have been conditioned to believe that the way to be happy is to be selfish. On the other hand Omelas talks about the way most people in the past might have lived without technology advances and without abundance of knowledge. Life was more simple back then so it seemed like people were happier but it was only an illusion and only a dream, because in reality, they were hiding the truth and trying to get rid of pain by putting their problems away, while the problem was not the imperfections, but the ignorance of the city’s way of thinking. Today people are more accepting of change and of what’s different yet ignorance still exists. Today’s version of happiness is different than what was considered happiness in the past and in places such as the Omelas but one thing that never ceases to change within humanity is the fear of the unknown.